var first=["Shane Simmons is feeling much better now that he has become a born-again atheist.", "Shane Simmons is a healthy shade of grey.", "Shane Simmons is the life of any party attended by one or fewer people.", "Shane Simmons was born and raised in Lachine, a suburb of Montreal most famous for being massacred by the Iroquois in 1689.", "Shane Simmons is an insect rights activist and his favourite colour is plaid.", "Shane Simmons is proud to have served his country in uniform, right up until his troop ran out of cookies to sell door to door.", "Shane Simmons has become a very successful writer, bravely overcoming his mental and physical impairments of laziness and illiteracy.", "Shane Simmons uses neither drugs nor alcohol because he is already dazed, confused, and uncoordinated for free.", "Shane Simmons thinks breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why he has it three times a day.", "Shane Simmons refuses to affiliate himself with any political party, group, or movement because none will have him."];
var second=["His turn-ons include violin concertos, Hong Kong cinema, and burping Tupperware products.", "He enjoys photosynthesis, and when he's really on a tear he watches <i>The Antiques Roadshow.</i>", "He is a role model to anyone who dreams of one day bettering the world by lying around all day in their bath robe playing video games.", "He currently lives beyond his means in the big city, and sustains himself on handouts and the lunch money he steals from grade school kids.", "He enjoys a successful career in film, scripting home movies and directing security camera videos.", "He firmly believes the best smell in the world is Chinese takeout filtered through a brown paper bag.", "His collection of toe nail clippings is unrivaled in the western world.", "He has been in hiding for years now, which should prove to be good practice just as soon as someone starts seeking him.", "He has a degree from a university he doesn't recall, in a subject he doesn't remember, hanging in a location he's unfamiliar with.", "He doesn't drive a car because he knows he'll end up running over people, some of them accidentally."];
var third=["Mr. Simmons is a biped.", "Mr. Simmons dreads ever becoming famous in case those nude photos resurface.", "Mr. Simmons is neither Catholic nor Jewish, as popularly assumed.", "A restraining order has been filed against Mr. Simmons by the Romper Room lady.", "Mr. Simmons has a bad habit of biting other people's fingernails.", "This time next year he plans to be a year older.", "Richard Simmons is just one of several obnoxious Simmonses of note he is not at all related to.", "Mr. Simmons still owns all his baby teeth and is willing to trade with other enthusiasts.", "Mr. Simmons enjoys foul weather and thinks Canadians who don't should be deported.", "Mr. Simmons apologizes, but due to a pending court date he cannot discuss the charges concerning Michael Jackson and the inappropriate touching."];
var index = Math.round(Math.random() * 9);
var index2 = Math.round(Math.random() * 9);
var index3 = Math.round(Math.random() * 9);
document.write(first[index] + " " + second[index2] + " " + third[index3]);